Scandalous Grace Band

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He's I Am
#1
Here's one re-done today from my post two years ago...please let me know how to improve it.  Thank you!

Corrections at the end of this string.....

https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v3/play...77451&q=hi


Copyright 2015

Words: Neil Sleevi
Composer: Anonymous
Vocals: Jeremy Davis
Production/Instrument: Warren Jurgens

Who Do You Say I Am


Verse 1:

Jesus, source of all forgiving
Ever living
Long before Abraham
Let these words be my confession
When you question
Who Do You Say That I Am?

Chorus:

Jesus, You’re the Christ, the One Messiah
The Son of the Living God
You are King of Saints; and King of Glory
Anointed Holy One
You're Sovereign over all the Earth
You're Master and You're Lord
You’re "I AM"
You’re "I AM"

Verse 2:

Jesus, Rock and Sure Foundation
For Salvation
Lord of Lords; Perfect Lamb
I know grace and mercy back me
When you ask me
Who Do You Say That I Am?

Chorus

Verse 3:

Prince of Life, who's now arisen
From death's prison
Some have called You a sham
Yet there's one essential matter
All must answer:
Who Do You Say That I Am?

Chorus

Tag:

You’re "I AM"
You’re "I AM"
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#2
Neil,
I'm so sorry that I cannot offer critique on this beautiful song. I've always loved this voice & been jealous that you found this talented guy. Sure wish you'd send him my way. But then again, I've only written two praise songs in my life Smile
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#3
Neil - this one is just spectacular in all ways! I can't give you any suggestions for improvement because I think it's just great exactly as is! I love the singer/songwriter feel with the vocals and acoustic. the mix is really good, maybe just a hair more verb than I might add, but it's not really even worth mentioning. the vocals are incredible!

lyrics are just incredible too - this is probably my favorite song of yours now! love it!
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#4
Neil...this is as near perfect as this song can be...the vocal is spot on and the melody is perfect for the lyrical content and structure...a home run in every way...Dan
"you are what you are because you do what you do because of what you believe"
                            www. soundclick.com/firesong
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#5
(07-28-2017, 06:53 PM)firesong Wrote: Neil...this is as near perfect as this song can be...the vocal is spot on and the melody is perfect for the lyrical content and structure...a home run in every way...Dan

Dan, thank you!  I pray God will put this one to His use. Neil
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#6
Here is another re-do...We were asked to shorten and try to make it clearer who it is that is speaking and being spoken about.

Hopefully simpler now....  Your critiques appreciated to refine this one.

Link to Song



He's I AM
copyright Neil Sleevi


Verse 1:

He’s the source of all forgiving
Ever living
Jesus is the "Great I AM"
And He asks this probing question
For reflection
Who Do You Say That I Am?

 
Chorus:

He is ....Jesus Christ, the One Messiah
The Son of the Living God
He is ....King of Saints; and King of Glory
Anointed Holy One
He’s Sovereign over all the Earth
Our Master and Our Lord
He’s I AM
He’s I AM
 
Verse 2:

He’s the Rock and Sure Foundation
For Salvation
Born to die, Man for man
Hear the Savior all-inspiring
He's inquiring
Who Do You Say That I Am?

Chorus
 
Verse 3

He’s the Prince of Life arisen
From death's prison
Heaven's own Perfect Lamb
Will your heart condemn or back you
When He asks you
Who Do You Say That I Am?

Chorus

He's the Christ, the One Messiah
The Son of the Living God
He is ....King of Saints; and King of Glory
Anointed Holy One
He’s Sovereign over all the Earth
Our Master and Our Lord
He’s I AM
He’s I AM

Tag
 
He’s I AM
He’s I AM
He’s I AM
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#7
Love the song, really love the vocal!

One minor quibble - the acoustic guitar sounds a bit clicky. I understand that strumming the strings will bring some of that, but it still seems like the tone could be softer and rounder.

To be clear - I'm not even close to being an expert on acoustic guitar tone. I'm just going on what I'm hearing, and on what I've heard in other recordings.
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#8
Hey bro. Some nice things going on. Nice voice BTW.

Some thoughts.

1. I'm confused about your meter. Vs 1 sounds like 4/4 time or 6/8? Chorus goes to 3/4 and then Vs 2 is 3/4 I think. What meter is the song in?

2. I don't follow your song structure. Common structure is two 4 bar phrases for an 8 bar 'period' and two periods for a 16 bar verse. What's your structure bro? Is it repeated vs to vs?

3. Chorus looses energy for me. Would suggest you shorten it.

Keep at 'er.

Best,
Anthony
Learn How to Write Lyrics Like the Legends
Get my eBook Now and Improve Your Lyrics
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#9
Wow, what a song. it does need more than just a guitar, (my opinion). Love it, nothing else to critique!!!
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