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I Belong To Jesus REWRITE 333333333
#1
Hi All

I have made some changes based on the crits

I have changed 2 lyric lines.
One to make it not controversial and easier to understand and also not subjected to misinterpretation.
Second, it seems repeating yourself has become OK and congregations actually like an easier chorus.
Thirdly, to get rid of the YODA speak

Instrumentally, I have added some lead in to make the chorus more obvious.
I have also added group singing to the chorus so everyone will know this is the chorus.

I have deleted the old version and uploaded new, but the link is the same.

let me know what you think
all crits welcome.
Thanks!
Blessings
ang Smile

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13554158



ORIGINAL POST

I am putting together a CD of all my BATTLE SONGS

I would love some feed back on this

Thank you

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13554158
 
I Belong To Jesus                        
 
Verse 1
The day is coming soon when all will have to choose
Between living with a lie or choosing truth and die
When the questions asked who will take the path
The narrow gates awaits those called to the faith
 
CHORUS
Stand tall stay fearless shout I belong to Jesus
When these threats come our way each of us must boldly say
I belong to Jesus my faith I won’t deny
No weapon formed against me can take me from Jesus Christ
I belong to Jesus I cannot deny

I belong to Jesus I belong to Jesus Christ





Verse 2
No one wants a battlefield but this battles coming near
When it knocks on our door be sure what you’re fighting for
When faith is tested in the fire will our words bend for survival?
Will we stand for Jesus Christ? Do we love Him more than life? 
 
CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
I belong to Jesus / not ashamed of it
I belong to Jesus /my face is flint
He is my God alone/ in His strength I am strong
I belong to Jesus / to Jesus I belong
 
CHORUS
 
TAG
No weapon formed against me can take me from Jesus Christ
 

 
 
©2016 angela dittmar
Angel Flower Music LLC
angelflowermusic.com
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#2
(07-09-2017, 04:59 PM)angela Wrote: ©2016 angela dittmar
Angel Flower Music LLC
angelflowermusic.com

Hi Angela,  As always, keep or sweep....

Sorry I could not get music link to work, but my comments are usually about lyrics anyway.  I am focusing on your title/hook

While "No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper" speaks of battle it does not directly relate to "belonging" that your hook requires.

Maybe your chorus would be improved lyrically using something from John 10:28-30 it is a key "belonging" verse.

"neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. 29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand."

As an old soldier I can tell you another really good verse which directly ties your hook "belonging to God" and "battle"......is Exodus 17:15

Here's the tie-in.....https://www.gotquestions.org/Lord-is-my-banner.html

Blessings,

Neil
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#3
Thank you so much I will think about this I really appreciate your feedback
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#4
(07-18-2017, 01:38 PM)angela Wrote: Thank you so much I will think about this I really appreciate your feedback

Best wishes to you Angela on this important song idea you are working on....here's one more quick verse I saw today....

But now, this is what the LORD says — he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."
Isaiah 43:1


Shy
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#5
Hi Neil and anyone else who can help me here

I have been thinking alot about your comments

I could change the line from
No weapon formed against me can take me from Jesus Christ
to
No one can ever snatch me from the hand of Jesus Christ

and maybe that would align itself better with the hook/title "I belong to Jesus"

but I wrote this thinking about the violent persecutions that Christians are facing in parts of the world today, killed with swords, being beheaded, and I think of that as pretty nasty weapons, and we WILL have to defend our faith and say who we belong to.............

oh I know that if you have to explain a song you have to re-write the song..............

but I am hoping someone else may give me an ok with what I have
I do appreciate your critique, and I have considered the other line, but I can't get myself psyched up to re record that because I am not talking about being snatched up, I am talking about being martyred.

does that make sense?

Also, I would love some feedback on the music. This took me a LONG TIME making this orchestra one note at a time and I really want to know if the mix is ok

Thanks so much for any help

Blessings
ang Smile
Reply
#6
(07-27-2017, 06:13 PM)angela Wrote: Hi Neil and anyone else who can help me here

I have been thinking alot about your comments

I could change the line from
No weapon formed against me can take me from Jesus Christ
to
No one can ever snatch me from the hand of Jesus Christ

and maybe that would align itself better with the hook/title "I belong to Jesus"

but I wrote this thinking about the violent persecutions that Christians are facing in parts of the world today, killed with swords, being beheaded, and I think of that as pretty nasty weapons, and we WILL have to defend our faith and say who we belong to.............

oh I know that if you have to explain a song you have to re-write the song..............

but I am hoping someone else may give me an ok with what I have
I do appreciate your critique, and I have considered the other line, but I can't get myself psyched up to re record that because I am not talking about being snatched up, I am talking about being martyred.

does that make sense?

Also, I would love some feedback on the music. This took me a LONG TIME making this orchestra one note at a time and I really want to know if the mix is ok

Thanks so much for any help

Blessings
ang Smile

Angela,

I hope someone else will chime in but...I think you may be able to use some of the thoughts from Romans 8........to drive home the point you are making...


38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[j]
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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#7
Yes, of course

Neil
do you have any suggestions to change that one line of the lyric?
I'm open for suggestions
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#8
How about this
I'm not ashamed to say I belong to Jesus Christ
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#9
(07-27-2017, 08:54 PM)angela Wrote: How about this
I'm not ashamed to say I belong to Jesus Christ

That would work.....maybe something like this could fit your same meter.


u     /     u    /       u      /    u   u   /         u    /   u     /

The Lord of Life protects me. My shield is Jesus Christ
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#10
I'll think about that
Thanks
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