Scandalous Grace Band

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***BAD MISSIONARY*** 3333333

This song more or less is along the lines of novelty-pop, I suppose.  The gist of it, what if Jonah and the King Nineveh had cell-phones?  The song is told from the King of Nineveh's P.O.V.


Words and Music by Peter Merz

Stepping on toes just a torturing my foes
That's when the phone rang out
Called my mom last week, made it short and sweet
Hello, is anybody there
I have a collect call from Mr. Jonah
Do you accept, I said yes
Why I said yes is a mystery 
A mystery to both you and me
I've got home and fire insurance policies
Needing your royal approval
But before I could seal the deal
He told me hey buddy get real
Acts of God are not covered 
Guess you're straight out of luck
Jonah laughed, then the line went dead
Guess I'll be shelling out some bucks

Bad missionary, bad missionary
Delighting in pre-arranged acts of doom
Bad missionary, bad missionary
Counting down the days 'til my town's a tomb
Bad missionary, bad missionary
I guess you could say things went boom
Bad missionary, bad missionary
It goes to show never assume...

Next day I had a blast playin' Whack-A-Mole
With all kinds of threats to the throne 
Until the phone did its thang, No it still isn't Mom
This just seems oh so wrong
I don't need insurance, good, because mister 
That's not why I'm cold-calling you today
Cocky little prankster, I'll play along for now
What you need is a pre-need funeral plan
Isn't there someone else to annoy
Friends, family, or poisonous reptiles
There was a long pause, then he laughed out loud
Well I'd love to stay and good luck
I need to get back to some important work
Sipping those drinks with those funny names
The ones with those silly little umbrellas
Oh and by the way how's your mom


Well I traced Jonah's number
Some captain sobbed, he ran from God
Now he is with the fish of the see
Stunned I hung up, what rotten luck
Days passed by when someone shouted
Would you look what Dagon dragged in
This guy who was rife with the stink of fish 
And salt water was a shoutin'
No, you're doing it wrong and you'll be destroyed
See I know about these things
I felt something I had never felt before
Conviction right down to my core
So I declared a city-wide fast
Let's hedge our bets and repent
So everyone put on your finest sackcloth
And maybe the Lord will relent


We didn't bite the big one
Our days were not done after all
No more waterboarding our guests
Or ignoring the golden rule
We didn't bite the big one
Our days were not done after all
The City of Nineveh kept its cool
In the end it worked out for the best
...all because of a bad missionary

Copyright © 2017 Scribe And Sage Music (BMI). All Rights Reserved.
Hi Pete
somethings wrong with soundclick
I thought it was just you but it's crazy on my soundclick too, so I'll listen later

lyric wise, it seems very long.............
lots of info to digest

dont think you need all the mom stuff and the whack a mole
it seems long winded and takes me too many places so it seems confusing

yes, I think it is a fun novelty songs but it just seems to meander too far away from the topic
maybe you can tighten this up

just my 2 cents
keep or sweep
ang Smile

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