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Bring Forth Your Light
#1
Hello everyone I'm new here. I've been wanting to get critique on my lyrics. Thanks.

Bring Forth Your Light

 

(Verse 1)

In my battles

You’ve calmed the storm

In my weakness

You’ve shown me

How I can be transform

 

(Pre-Chorus)

And through it all

You’ve always put up a fight

In this heart

You endlessly pour into my life

 

(Chorus)

Your light will pierce me to rise

Beyond mountains and skies

Break down the fears inside my heart

Your light will pierce me to shine

Through the darkness that binds

Break down the chains inside my soul

Bring forth Your Light

Bring forth Your light

 

(Verse 2)

In my selfishness

You’ve soften it with your love

In my loneliness

You’ve gave me hope to endure

To provide new beginnings

With each open door

 

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

 

(Bridge x3)

Your light will shine through the ages

Your light will shine in this present time

Your light will shine across future generations

 
(Chrous)
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#2
(02-08-2017, 08:35 PM)johnlee2185 Wrote: Hello everyone I'm new here. I've been wanting to get critique on my lyrics. Thanks.

Bring Forth Your Light

 

(Verse 1)

In my battles

You’ve calmed the storm

In my weakness

You’ve shown me

How I can be transform

 

(Pre-Chorus)

And through it all

You’ve always put up a fight

In this heart

You endlessly pour into my life

 

(Chorus)

Your light will pierce me to rise

Beyond mountains and skies

Break down the fears inside my heart

Your light will pierce me to shine

Through the darkness that binds

Break down the chains inside my soul

Bring forth Your Light

Bring forth Your light

 

(Verse 2)

In my selfishness

You’ve soften it with your love

In my loneliness

You’ve gave me hope to endure

To provide new beginnings

With each open door

 

(Pre-Chorus)

(Chorus)

 

(Bridge x3)

Your light will shine through the ages

Your light will shine in this present time

Your light will shine across future generations

 
(Chrous)

Hi John,

I think you have a good start on likely a contemporary praise and worship song.  Its a great job for a first posting ever here.  I would recommend perhaps getting your tense...all as present tense (except of course in the bridge where I think it should be past, present and future tense.) 

Probably more than you want to know right now....but in verses one and two...I would recommend the stressed syllables to match up for each corresponding line.  For example line 1 verse 1 ends with and three syllables  ....which when spoken by a singer are unstressed stressed unstressed   my  ---BAT  --  tles. 

Line one verse two ends with three syllables which when spoken are stressed unstressed unstressed..self --fish --ness

Regardless of genre...verses (not choruses) need stressed syllables to generally line up...

Hope this helps.  Great work so far.  Keep writing and .....throw my comments out if you don't like them...others often do!    :-)
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#3
Thanks for tips. I've revise it and post it with updates!
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