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Oh Lord
#1
this song needs something (other than talent, that is...). Any suggestions?

https://soundcloud.com/ctonyp/oh-lord

 
OH LORD 
(4/4, 96 bpm)
 
Verse 1
       F
Oh Lord
   Am
I desperately need You
              F                   Bb                C   
You've got to get a hold of my heart
             F                       Dm
I can't do this on my own
 F                                              C
Change me and make me anew
       Dm  C     F        C   
Oh Lord,   O Lord
 
Verse 2
       F
Oh Lord
   Am
I desperately want you
   F                            Bb           C   
I want to give you all of my heart
             F                       Dm
I can't do this on my own
F                                              C
Change me and make me anew
       Dm  C     F        C   
Oh Lord, Oh Lord
 
Bridge:
     Am                              Dm
As I reach up to You in worship
           Bb                                        F
And I reach up to You with my prayer
        Am                                              Dm             Gm
I'm cleansed by the flood of Your life giving blood
Am                                          Bb
I thank You for making me new
       C     (hold)      F       C
Oh Lord,         Oh Lord
 
   
©2015 Tony Pistilli - All rights reserved
soundcloud.com\ctonyp
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#2
Hey Tony - can you put the words up for us?

I really like the song! what are the sounds at the beginning? I don't quite understand how they fit in the song.

I would like to hear some more instrumentation and/or backing vocals on this. this is probably just a beginning production, but I think filling it out more would really step this one up some!

just my 2 cents!
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#3
(12-14-2016, 01:15 PM)Beagle Wrote: Hey Tony - can you put the words up for us?

I really like the song!  what are the sounds at the beginning?  I don't quite understand how they fit in the song.

I would like to hear some more instrumentation and/or backing vocals on this.  this is probably just a beginning production, but I think filling it out more would really step this one up some!

just my 2 cents!

Thanks for the comments. Yes, it is a very rough draft. There really needs good composition. I just threw that together so I wouldn't forget it. What I really would like is piano/synth as the basis for the music. But I don't play. I will put up the words when I get home.
Tony
soundcloud.com\ctonyp
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#4
Updated original post to include lyrics/chords
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#5
Tony,

I like the song's really broad-ranging theme / inclusive / idea....(what Christian would not end up in a similar desperate situation)?

I absolutely love the melody.  It really fits the prayerful mood of the song.  One thing that sticks out at me is that Verse 1 and 2 are nearly identical.... ....so perhaps a fresh word picture / metaphor to "show" instead of tell.


Critiquers always caution me with a word like word "anew" since it is not conversational in 2016

Perhaps that line could be.............Give me a heart that is new

I think the verses 1 and 2 contradict the bridge because on one hand you want to be "made new" but your bridge indicates you already have been made new"....for this reason, if it were me, I would change line 4 of bridge to perhaps another line... perhaps something like..."I thank You for all that You do.... "

Keep or sweep....still a novice at this...

Neil
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#6
You guys all drive me nuts! Just when I think I'm ready to sit back & relax until Christmas, you draw me in with a new toy to play with! Smile I know, no one is asking, but I can't resist the practice! So I'm sure Neil will have something to say about this (I'm just teasing, Neil, that's who I am) but when I tried to sing it, I found myself only doing the "Oh Lord" part. That's not a bad thing, I like the voice that much, & I'm kind of picky. But that's just my impression after listening 3 times. Smile Don't want anyone underestimating themselves. It is really hard for me to ask my own team for help. I don't know if you feel the same way, but I know from your last post that you have a supportive team that would be happy to fill in....maybe? I think it's crazy how that works (or doesn't work). But now I'm just whining, so I shut up now. Smile
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#7
(12-16-2016, 06:34 PM)novice62 Wrote: Tony,

I like the song's really broad-ranging theme / inclusive / idea....(what Christian would not end up in a similar desperate situation)?

I absolutely love the melody.  It really fits the prayerful mood of the song.  One thing that sticks out at me is that Verse 1 and 2 are nearly identical.... ....so perhaps a fresh word picture / metaphor to "show" instead of tell.


Critiquers always caution me with a word like word "anew" since it is not conversational in 2016

Perhaps that line could be.............Give me a heart that is new

I think the verses 1 and 2 contradict the bridge because on one hand you want to be "made new" but your bridge indicates you already have been made new"....for this reason, if it were me, I would change line 4 of bridge to perhaps another line... perhaps something like..."I thank You for all that You do.... "

Keep or sweep....still a novice at this...

Neil

Neil, 
Thanks for the comments and suggestions. It's funny because too many times I brush off my inner critic on certain parts or words in a song only to have someone point it out later. My laziness is showing.  Thanks so much for not letting me get away with that. I will definitely be working these issues. This was an unusual song for me in that I was at a broken time in my life and was actually praying like we do when we know nobody can hear us and most of these lyrics were my actual prayer.  As I was praying I was thinking....I need to make this a song. Like you said, any Christian has been there.

....btw....you can't keep getting away with your "I'm still a novice" thing....I checked your soundclick page...WOW! Some really good stuff there.
Tony
soundcloud.com\ctonyp
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#8
(12-16-2016, 08:57 PM)ShannonB Wrote: You guys all drive me nuts! Just when I think I'm ready to sit back & relax until Christmas, you draw me in with a new toy to play with! Smile I know, no one is asking, but I can't resist the practice! So I'm sure Neil will have something to say about this (I'm just teasing, Neil, that's who I am) but when I tried to sing it, I found myself only doing the "Oh Lord" part. That's not a bad thing, I like the voice that much, & I'm kind of picky. But that's just my impression after listening 3 times. Smile Don't want anyone underestimating themselves. It is really hard for me to ask my own team for help. I don't know if you feel the same way, but I know from your last post that you have a supportive team that would be happy to fill in....maybe? I think it's crazy how that works (or doesn't work). But now I'm just whining, so I shut up now. Smile


Actually, although we have some very talented people in our worship team, it is extremely difficult to get anyone in to actually record. Probably because my studio is in my bedroom and feels kind of weird. After taxes come in we are going to finish off our covered patio to make it part of the house where my studio will go!!! I can bring the whole band in. I would love for someone with more talent than me (not being modest, just know my weaknesses) help me out with some collaboration. I am on a  couple of collab sites but they are primarily secular and no real interest in doing Christian stuff. So any singers out there that have the ability to record and want to help out on any of my songs, just let me know.  I am truly a novice at this stuff.
Tony
soundcloud.com\ctonyp
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#9
Does your church have recording capabilities?
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#10
(12-16-2016, 09:20 PM)ShannonB Wrote: Does your church have recording capabilities?

NOt really. I mean, they could technically do it with the PA. But it would be a royal pain.
soundcloud.com\ctonyp
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