Scandalous Grace Band

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You are More: any critique welcome
#1
I am posting this song on behalf of my dad. He is also writing music and his name is Jim Pendley. Email is jim_jfc@yahoo.com. He wrote this song and woukd like some feedback. I keep telling him how wonderful this community is. I did set up a user name for him. 

I have also attached the link to the song here: Check out 'You Are More - By Jim pendley' by Liquidchknstudios http://www.reverbnation.com/open_graph/song/26059863

Its a beautiful worship song.  Please forgive the vocals. I accomanied my dad on the vocal harmony and  The bridge is a little high for my range. 

Any critique is welcome!

Here goes:


               YOU ARE MORE
                                           Verse
Eb/F          Bb/Bb                    Eb/C                 Bb/D                                Eb/Eb   Eb/F 
YOU ARE MORE THAN I CAN SEE.  YOU ARE MORE THAN I COULD NEED.
               Bb/Bb                        Eb/C                                       Eb/Eb
YOU ARE MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT COMES AGAINST ME.
Eb/F                Bb/Bb                       Eb/C                      Bb/D
YOU PICK ME UP WHEN I FALL DOWN, PLACE MY FEET UPON
           Eb/Eb                         Gm/G                     Gm/F             Eb/Eb
YOUR SOLID GROUND SO I WILL KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE
                                        CHORUS
              Bb/Bb   Eb/C  Bb/D   Eb/Eb   Eb/F                 Bb/Bb  Eb/C  Bb/D  Eb/Eb
YOU ARE MORE……………………MORE THAN I CAN SEE
              Bb/Bb   Eb/C  Bb/D     Eb/Eb     Eb/F             Bb/Bb  Eb/C  Bb/D  Eb/Eb
YOU ARE MORE…………………….MORE THAN I COULD NEED
                                          BRIDGE
Eb/F              F/D                             F/G  FmA/B                             Eb/C                                Eb/F        F/Eb                
YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE TO BECOME BREAD.           SHED YOUR BLOOD JUST LIKE THE FATHER SAID
     F/D                        Bb/G                   Ab/Ab    Eb/F
TO TAKE AWAY MY SIN AND SET ME FREE.
Eb/F              F/D   F/G  FmA/B                  Eb/C                         Eb/F  
ATONIONG SACRIFICE,                 TAKING SIN AND GIVING LIFE
 F/Eb               F/D       Bb/G                Ab/Ab   Eb/F
TO ALL WHO CALL HIS NAME,  HE IS MORE
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#2
Hi Raeshel,
 
I think your dad has a nice song working here with this one.  
 
One thing I would recommend but not essential is to have the verse say something different than the chorus.
 
Here's a note on the topic I saw, "While the chorus simply needs to express emotions, the verse needs to describe a somewhat coherent story or set of circumstances that all lead to an emotional response."

Thoughts?


Neil
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#3
Lovely song!
Andy McCann

Worship Songwriter - God of this City (Chris Tomlin)
                               King of Love (Robin Mark)
                               You Said (Robin Mark)
                               We Wait For You (Me! https://www.facebook.com/andymccannmusic...153282599/)

Producer - http://www.aprilaudio.com - Bring Your Worship Song To Life. Full Band Productions. Demos.
 
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#4
I love that your dad is writing songs. I think of two "happening" artists right now, David and Nichole Binion, who are not exactly from this generation, but they are continuing to write awesome new songs that impact people's lives everyday. Tell your dad to keep it up.
I do agree with novice62, I actually got lost trying to follow along. And I'm not a huge fan of the wording in the bridge. It just seems stiff and unnatural sounding lyrically. But definitely a great song!
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#5
(03-18-2017, 01:42 PM)novice62 Wrote: Hi Raeshel,
 
I think your dad has a nice song working here with this one.  
 
One thing I would recommend but not essential is to have the verse say something different than the chorus.
 
Here's a note on the topic I saw, "While the chorus simply needs to express emotions, the verse needs to describe a somewhat coherent story or set of circumstances that all lead to an emotional response."

Thoughts?


Neil
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#6
Thanks Novice. Great Critique! I agree. This one is still working...
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