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I Believe
#1
Here's another I wrote a while back. Thanks for the critique.

C: My Gods a healer defender shelter from the storm
Abba father my deliverer the lover of my soul
His grace comes down and washes my soul clean
I believe 

V: His weakness is greater then my strength
His glory is better then my best
His name is the name above all names
There is no one else worthy of all praise

V: His love is more then i could need 
His word is a lamp unto my feet
Himself he lived and died for me
In his presence my soul it longs to be

B: I believe
I believe 
I believe 
I believe
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#2
I commend you that this song has a strong basis in scripture.  Almost every word. 

You have a good start and my comments are only my own....and I am often wrong so get other advice along the way....Here's a few things that came to mind..

The one thing I wonder is whether there is a new way to say the main points being made.

Is there a new and fresh way to say "shelter from the storm"; "His name is above all names"..."His Word is a lamp unto my feet"  seems to me these are used so much there may be another way to bring out these points.....(easier said than done)

"I believe" refers to you personally embracing Jesus as both Lord and Savior of your life....is there a way to say this somehow..

A few other minor things below...

C: My Gods a healer defender shelter from the storm
Abba father my deliverer the lover of my soul (Talking about the Father?)
His grace comes down and washes my soul clean
I believe 

V: His weakness is greater then my strength
His glory is better then my best
His name is the name above all names
There is no one else worthy of all praise

V: His love is more then i could need 
His word is a lamp unto my feet
Himself he lived and died for me (this line is inverted)  Talking about the Son
In his presence my soul it longs to be (same point...inverted)

B: I believe
I believe 
I believe

Again, keep or sweep!

Blessings,

Neil
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#3
What do you think of this minor tweak?

"There is no one more worthy of my praise"
I am a damp hamster, a small moist rodent with a pea-sized brain... so what do I know?! 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default....ID=1243220
 
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#4
Potentially nitpicky but He doesn't have any weaknesses. Every genre is different but I write mostly southern gospel and that would be pointed out.
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#5
Agree with David. No weaknesses.
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#6
The weakness line comes from 1Corinthians 1:25
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#7
I'll have to study this one a little.
! Corinthians 1: 25-31 (may need to go back even further for context)
Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For you see your calling brethren, than not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty.; and the base things of the world and the things, which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence. But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God- and righteousness and sanctification and redemption- that, as it is written, 'He who glories, let him glory in the LORD."

So, this may just need a little more clarification, so it doesn't cause people to stumble. Because we know God is not weak, but He chooses the weak.

Let's back up a little:
1 Corinthians 1:18-24
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written; "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent." Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.

Hope this helps.
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#8
My meaning behind the lyric is to show that no matter how strong we think we are...He is stronger; if he could be weak, it would far exceed our strength. The line stays...guess I created a new sloppy wet kiss debate. There is no intent to cause someone to stumble. If anyone feels I'm theologically misguided in my choice of words hit me up on a PM. 
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#9
(03-02-2016, 08:05 PM)Jbj51382 Wrote: My meaning behind the lyric is to show that no matter how strong we think we are...He is stronger; if he could be weak, it would far exceed our strength. The line stays...guess I created a new sloppy wet kiss debate. There is no intent to cause someone to stumble. If anyone feels I'm theologically misguided in my choice of words hit me up on a PM. 

The theology is good, & I hope it encourages others to do their research as I had to do.
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#10
Heyyy Joe. May i point out you put 'then' instead of 'than' (schoolboy error, or typo) Overall i like the lyrics. I can see what you're trying to say about God's weakness is greater than my strength. But i just don't see God as having 'weakness'
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