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Father Forgive Them
#1
Father Forgive Them

Verse 1

While this broken world is dying 
My heart's desiring 
For the lost to be saved
Through Your eyes I see Your mercy
I see they're deserving 
To be found in Your grace

Pre-Chorus

Every time I close my eyes
I see Your Cross
Lord, I remember what You said 


Chorus 

Father forgive them
For they know not what they do 
Father forgive them
Father forgive them

Father forgive them
For they know not what they do 
Father forgive them
Father forgive them


Verse 2

Everyday I'll give You glory 
By never ignoring 
The least of these
If friend or foe need forgiveness
Your love and Your kindness
Will be all that they see

Pre-Chorus

Chorus

Bridge

Lord, I close my eyes 
I see You there
Hanging on a tree
The criminals on Your left and right
One doubted, one believed
The one said when You come into Your kingdom remember me
You answered him
Today you'll be
In Paradise with Me 

Chorus 
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#2
Hi Elvis...some may disagree with me completely...I like the topic, and the unusual but consistent rhyme scheme.  AABCCB

A few minor points...........keep or sweep!

Not a showstopper but there are a few meter and syllable issues in the verses but up to you on matching
lines up between verses.


I see they're deserving............Verse 1 .....this line may raise scriptural objections as we know in Romans “no one is deserving”….. 

In your chorus....Could this be more contemporary such as ”For they don’t know what they’re doing” ?

Neil
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#3
A consistent Theodirectional 2 (ie the God’s son) song
V1: While this broken world is dying  / My heart’s desiring  / For the lost to be saved / Through Your eyes I see Your mercy / I see they’re deserving  / To be found in Your grace.
PC1: Every time I close my eyes / I see Your Cross / Lord, I remember what you said...
C: “Father forgive them / For they know not what they do / Father forgive them / Father forgive them / Father forgive them / For they know not what they do / Father forgive them / Father forgive them”
V2: Everyday I’ll give You glory / By never ignoring / The least of these / If friend or foe need forgiveness / Your love and Your kindness / Will be all that they see.
PC2: Lord, I close my eyes  / I see You there / Hanging on a tree / The criminals on Your left and right / One doubted, one believed / The one said when You come into Your kingdom remember me / You answered him / Today you’ll be / In Paradise with Me.

My comments:
V1: I don’t know about [deserving] as if deserving grace. In my circles grace tends to be defined rather as undeserved favour. Replace by [so needing]?
PC1: I close my eyes to sleep yet seldom see the cross. Perhaps change to [and see your cross]? Even so, when I see the cross the “father forgive” doesn’t always jump out at me – we all differ, of course. Again, you could change [lord I remember] by – A+B allows C.
C: this is missing from some ancient manuscripts of Lk.23:34, but tends to get the benefit of the doubt. It might be good to open and close the chorus with quote marks, so singers see it not as singing to the father, but singing words of the son. You could also add quote marks in PC2.
V2: I feel that whether as a promise or prophecy [I’ll] sounds like a boast (http://lyricology.eu/sggbagk.html), along with [never ignoring]. It doesn’t work for me, for I’m not conscious of giving Christ glory every day, especially in not ignoring [the least of these]. I’m guessing ‘these’ could me the least deserving of my forgiveness but it’s not too clear, especially because Jesus (if Lk.23:34 is authentic) didn’t ask for all to be forgiven, only those who were doing evil in their ignorance of his sonship – [for they know not what they do]. Would they who knew what they did be [the least] deserving of forgiveness? It’s a little complicated. Whatever, I’m loath to boast that [friend or foe] will only see Christ in me, and not my old nature. I rework in the subjunctive – perhaps [Everyday I’d give you glory / By never ignoring / Your love to show / If friend or foe need forgiveness / Your love and your kindness / Should be what that they see]. That’s turning it more into an implicit cry for help, without actually asking the lord to help (a thing I’d never do).
PC2: as with PC1, I don’t always see the lord on the cross when I close my eyes. Perhaps change to [and see you]. [Criminals] might give the wrong message, in that they were probably men who had risked their lives for their country – misguided yet brutal freedom fighters, zealots/extremists/rebels. My reading would be that the one who doubted became the believer – the other fighter didn’t doubt that the prince of peace betrayed the cause. Perhaps [one hated, one believed]? Admittedly most versions use [criminals] for Luke’s kakourgoi, which has the idea of evil men (from a gentile perspective?); few use it for Matthew’s lēstai (Josephus used it for Jewish revolutionaries). Perhaps replace with [rebels], which need not mean bad.
Still round the corner there may wait, a new door, or a secret gate.
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