Beaglesound

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Chant/Song Revisited again
#1
Lord! Lord! Lord!  [proclaimed]
O Lord, Lord  [whispered]

There comes such a time
when the body is done
for a soul to lay down and die.
There comes such a time
when the tongue can no longer
utter another lie.
 
Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

In that deepest sleep
when the truth buries dreams
there's no time to wonder, "But why?"
You'll measure my faith...
Do I lift my hands to "Abba"
Or hide my face and sigh?
 
Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

You know all the things
these hands have ever done.
Where, O Lord, is my alibi?
A soul was drowning
Did I watch it all from safety
only to wave goodbye?

Chorus:
We know that a stone will surely sink down,
while a bird will rise on its wings and fly
O Lord our sins feel ever so heavy
and we haven't the strength or wings to try
You died on the cross for these people and me
But, O Lord, O Lord, who exactly am I?
O Lord, who exactly am I?


Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

Have I shoved a dream
to the front of a scheme
Just to gnash my teeth and to cry?
Have I pretended
to barter a promise
made to us all from on High

Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

You speak and I breathe
You call and I answer
And You never tell me good-bye
I can only trust
You know in my heart
I love You more than I lie.
 
Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

You made the flesh weak
But Spirit is willing
that a soul must only rely,
on a glorious dawn
when Your Word becomes wonder
'n' Your Spirit whispers why.

Chorus:
We know that a stone will surely sink down
While a bird will rise up on its wings and fly
O Lord our sins feel ever so heavy
And we haven't the strength or wings to try
You died on the cross for these people and me
But, O Lord, O Lord, who exactly am I?
O Lord, who exactly am I?

Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

There's heaven, so holy,
so bright and so calm
Waiting to raise us, to fly,
who call on Jesus
Our Savior beyond any dream
To love, never to die.

Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

May ever we come  
Your own blessed poor   
to mourn our weakness and sigh 
boasting but of Your forgiveness  
wishing to cause some smile divine 
ever prepared to die.

Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

Facing Your Glory
the work of Your Hands
following joy, no evil to spy
To see it all from safety
All our bitterness left behind
Serving our God on high!

Chorus:
We know that a stone will surely sink down
While a bird will rise up on its wings and fly
O Lord our sins feel ever so heavy
And we haven't the strength or wings to try
You died on the cross for these people and me
But, O Lord, O Lord, who exactly am I?
Show me, O Lord, just who am I?

********************
7/22/17
Thanks for a helpful critique Vinny777
And thanks in advance the whoever notices this is way too long!
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#2
This is really strong - I like it a lot! One question - are you "dead sure" about the order of your verses?
I am a damp hamster, a small moist rodent with a pea-sized brain... so what do I know?! 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default....ID=1243220
 
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#3
Hi Jim
Yes still tooooo long
ALSO
please do not start a new thread for every re-write, just keep the same thread
Blessings
ang Smile
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#4
Hi Ang,
No no no...its not really one too long thing just several things awaiting mitosis.
Ok, one thread per thing
Thanks!
Reply
#5
Hi DH,
Thanks! Sure as a one armed juggler....?
Jim D
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#6
Strong indeed! Okay I've put my $0.02 in the ante, may I call? My opinion only:

I would structure it like this (assuming that the stanzas are pretty fast, as in rap/spoken or very rhythmic singing)

VERSE 1

Stanza A
There comes such a time
when the body is done
for a soul to lay down and die.
There comes such a time
when the tongue can no longer
utter another lie.

(Chant)
Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

(stanza B)
In that deepest sleep
when the truth buries dreams
there's no time to wonder, "But why?"
You'll measure my faith...
Do I lift my hands to "Abba"
Or hide my face and sigh?

(chant)
Lord! Lord! Lord!
O Lord, Lord

-----------------------------------------
CHORUS

You know all the things
these hands have ever done.
Where, O Lord, is my alibi?
A soul was drowning
Did I watch it all from safety
only to wave goodbye?
Oh Lord oh LORD!

(break)

--------------------------------------------------
VERSE 2

Stanza A
chant
Stanza B
chant
_________________
Chorus:

__________________
BRIDGE

We know that a stone will surely sink down,
while a bird will rise on its wings and fly
O Lord our sins feel ever so heavy
and we haven't the strength or wings to try
You died on the cross for these people and me
But, O Lord, O Lord, who exactly am I?
O Lord, who exactly am I?

________________________

CHORUS

_________
TAG
Oh Lord oh Lord



eh, just the way I hear it. Keep or sweep, etc.
Greg
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#7
I am hearing a poem here. It would be too long for a song like we might sing at church, my church anyhow. Having said that though I think it is very good, but why the repeated chant between each verse? perhaps I have missed something since there are other posts apparently , but what is the intention with this work? The words are strong the theology is good just need to start distilling it down I think. Keep tweaking it.
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