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Lord of Glory, Lord of All (Final March 11th)
#1
ALL:  Please see far below in this thread to see revised version for your critique.  Thank you.

Latest version...................http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_...95828&q=hi

Lord of Glory, Lord of All

Lyrics: me
Composed by: Shannon Bannister 

 
Copyright 2015

Verse 1:
           C#m    C#m       Abm        Abm
The heavens can’t contain Your glory

         C#m           Abm
You overflow the universe

      C#m   C#m          Abm          Abm
Creation sings Your wondrous anthems

      C#m        C#m         Abm       Abm
In hymns of praise and glori’ous verse


Chorus 1:

                G                 G            D             D
There's boundless strength at Your command

           C             G                     D
You hold the oceans in Your hand

           C              C
And weigh the Earth

            G          G       D          D
Your mighty pow'r is unsurpassed

C            G        D        D
Lord of Glory, Lord of All


Verse 2:

         C#m            C#m          Abm   Abm
You stretch Your hands and form it all, Lord

          C#m             Abm   Abm
Your sacrifice earns all acclaim

            C#m    C#m  Abm   Abm
There's no dominion any higher

       C#m  C#m   Abm         Abm
Nor any name above Your name


Chorus 1


Instrumental

 
Bridge (x2)
A         E       F         D

Holy, Holy, Lord of All
       A              E
We lift Your praises

A              E             F             D
With the earth and all the heavens

 A              E          F         D
And we'll sing for all the ages

A            E        F      D

Lord of Glory, over all
        A              E
My Lord and Savior

A               E              F             D
Reign in hearts and draw us closer

A             E                  F                   D
For we know there’s none that's greater

Chorus 2

                G               G              D             D
There's boundless strength at Your command

C                        G     D             D
You hold the oceans in Your hand

           G        G          D          D
Your mighty pow'r is unsurpassed
C             G        D        D
Lord of Glory, Lord of All

Tag

C            G        D         D
Lord of Glory, Lord of All

 
 
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#2
Hi Neil and Shannon,
a couple of things come to mind: first, why is there difference between the choruses? for a praise song it's a good general rule to keep the choruses the same. I know there are exceptions, but in this case I don't see that a different chorus brings anything of value to the song. I'd go with Chorus 2 for both of them, it just seems to flow better without that extra line.

your chord progression is interesting, but having all minor chords in the verse doesn't seem to me to be the best for the song. your lyrics are not "minor" in character for the verses. if you were talking about Christs' death in the verses, then talking about His resurrection and saving us in the choruses, then I could see that working for the chord progression you've chosen, but as it is, this doesn't seem to fit, to me.

also, only using 2 chords for the verse is very limiting in itself, regardless of them both being minor chords.

and lastly, the "key" for the song keeps changing between the verses, the choruses and the bridge. your verses are kind of in F#m (Abm is enharmonically the same as G#m which is not in A/F#m technically, but is sometimes substituted for G#dim so that's the closest key we could use for this progression). then your choruses are in the key of G, but your bridge is "sort of" in the key of A with accidentals when you use F instead of F#m.

If I remember correctly, you've said you don't know theory, and that's OK, you don't have to know theory to write songs, so all of that stuff I said above isn't important from the technical standpoint if you just know that from the listeners' perspective the song doesn't "flow right." songs don't have to follow the theory rules all the time, but they still need to be pleasing to the listener's ear and that takes a certain "flow" or "feel" in the chord progressions.

I would suggest changing the key of the song to A and change any of the chords which don't fit in that key to something that does. you could leave the bridge a slightly different key if you want it to stand out from the rest, but I would suggest keeping it to one key without accidentals whether you do or don't.

what I DO like about this song is lyrics, they are very well done, IMO for a P&W song - and they lift up our Father and we sing who He is.

I hope you don't take this too hard. I almost didn't reply, but you did say "any critiques welcome" and I do tend to give Level 3 critiques by default. Please be encouraged and continue working on this and other songs!
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#3
I agree with Beagle on the Chorus critique. Pick one and make it grab your audience in their very soul. Revisit the chorus melody and experience with other melody ideas and find the right one for this great lyric. Be picky! You have the lyrics to do that. I was into the key change but just 1. the bridge in my opinion, was too much change. Don't be afraid to re-write. All great songs are usually re-written MANY times. Stay with this song and please trust that we are critical because we see potential in this work and want you to be successful.

Writers write!

Terrance
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#4
Thanks Beagle & Terrance! I think we should have a better grasp on the direction of this song in a few days.
Reply
#5
ALL:  Please see end of this entire string of messages to find latest version



Lord of Glory, Lord of All

Lyrics: me
Composed by: Shannon Bannister 
 
Copyright 2015

Verse 1:

           C#m    C#m       Abm        Abm
The heavens can’t contain Your glory

         C#m           Abm
You overflow the universe

      C#m   C#m          Abm          Abm
Creation sings Your wondrous anthems

      C#m        C#m         Abm       Abm
In hymns of praise and glori’ous verse


Chorus:

                G                 G            D             D
There's boundless strength at Your command

           C             G                     D
You hold the oceans in Your hand

            G          G       D          D
Your mighty pow'r is unsurpassed

C            G        D        D
Lord of Glory, Lord of All


Verse 2:

         C#m            C#m          Abm   Abm
You stretch Your hands and form it all, Lord

          C#m             Abm   Abm
Your sacrifice earns all acclaim

            C#m    C#m  Abm   Abm
There's no dominion any higher

       C#m  C#m   Abm         Abm
Nor any name above Your name


Chorus

Instrumental


 Bridge

A         E       F         D

Holy, Holy, Lord of All
       A              E
We lift Your praises

A              E             F             D
With the earth and all the heavens

A              E          F         D
And we'll sing for all the ages

A            E        F      D

Lord of Glory, over all
        A              E
Our Lord and Savior

A               E              F             D
Reign in hearts and draw us closer

A             E                  F                   D
For we know there’s none that's greater

Chorus


Tag

 C            G        D        D
Lord of Glory, Lord of All



---------------------------------

Piano and Production: Gerry Peters, Vocals: Ray Barnette
Alleluia Productions
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#6
The Lyrics make a great P&W song. The Music sounds more like a musical. That's not a bad thing. I like musicals. I think an audience would have a really hard time singing along. That's just me. I've been wrong before. (Lots)
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#7
(02-01-2016, 01:52 PM)WPfontman Wrote: The Lyrics make a great P&W song. The Music sounds more like a musical. That's not a bad thing. I like musicals.  I think an audience would have a really hard time singing along. That's just me. I've been wrong before. (Lots)

That makes sense,  since the composer would prefer to write for film. Sorry,  Neil, the real me comes out again!
Oh & thanks fontman, that gives me an idea for promotion!
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#8
I think what is being said here is that it sounds like two or more songs....this is constructive feedback and appreciated...Well I am wondering if other critiquers agree and then suggestions to fix this to suit a Praise and Worship church setting who requested this idea be written about.  Thoughts?

Thank you

Neil
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#9
I'm really not trying to pick on you guys, but I see that you haven't really changed the arrangement that much in your latest revision, at least not with regard to the chord structure (and you certainly don't HAVE to based on my suggestions!).  

But if you're trying to make this into a P&W song, I personally really think the chord structure needs to change as I was trying to suggest above.    

I'm all for breaking the theory rules sometimes, but when I listen to the arrangement of this song and the first verse gets finished, I'm feeling depressed - because there's nothing but minor chords in the verse and that leaves the listener with a very depressed feeling.  

Yes, you bring it up to a bunch of major chords in the chorus, but by then it's too late.  i'm already depressed!   Huh

you have no real "progression" in the verses, it's just C#m, Abm over and over and it never "goes" anywhere so the listener just sits there waiting for something exciting to happen, but it doesn't happen until the chorus - and, as I said, by then it's too late!   Confused

You're saying that the heavens "can't contain (His) glory," but you're saying it with minor chords, so it doesn't FEEL like you're really proclaiming anything for God.  "Creation sings Your wonderous anthems" - but it doesn't FEEL like you're really singing WONDEROUS anthems!  this is the same throughout all of the verse lines in both verses.  your lyrics don't match the constant minor chord feeling. 

The second thing about this is the differences in keys between the verses, choruses and bridge are very drastic changes.  P&W songs which are sung in churches across the western hemisphere are very "forumalted" and there's a reason for that - people won't sing it as corporate worship if they can't feel the movement of the song - if it doesn't "bring them" somewhere.  if you jump from change to change to change, they won't follow it.  they'll give up.  congregations (and all "consumers) are very fickle!  Big Grin

Again - this is all just my opinion and you feel free to ignore me.  My feelings won't be hurt at all.  I started not to reply again just because you might think I'm being adamant about doing things "my way" - which I'm absolutely NOT - I just think you might have a potential for a really good P&W song here and wanted to share what I have learned over the years.

but again - feel free to tell me to go jump in the lake because you are sticking to what you think is best!   Smile
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#10
I really can't answer right now, because I'm waiting for something very specific with this song, & I can't disclose what that is right now. Sorry to be so secretive, but that's the way it has to be.
Thanks to everyone for the input!
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