Forums
Holy War - Printable Version

+- Forums (http://forum.christiansongwriters.org)
+-- Forum: Critique Forums (http://forum.christiansongwriters.org/forumdisplay.php?fid=3)
+--- Forum: Song Critiques (http://forum.christiansongwriters.org/forumdisplay.php?fid=5)
+--- Thread: Holy War (/showthread.php?tid=1255)



Holy War - robsie - 10-10-2017

Dear friends,

I've posted another song for you to enjoy, having taken into account previous comments and suggestions. I hope you enjoy it.

Have a blessed week. 

Robyn


https://soundcloud.com/robyn-herselman/holy-war

Holy War

You speak and it is
You touch and we heal
You breathe and we are
But the world doesn't see Your heart

It's a holy war,  it's a holy war
But the battle's already won
the victory's Yours

You love and we live
You give and we're free
You save and we're forever Yours
What will it take for the world to believe

It's a holy war,  it's a holy war
But the battle's already won
the victory's Yours

You are worthy of every honour x 4

It's a holy war,  it's a holy war
But the battle's already won
the victory's Yours

You speak and it is
You touch and we heal
You breathe and we are
But the world doesn't see your heart


RE: Holy War - novice62 - 10-11-2017

(10-10-2017, 05:03 PM)robsie Wrote: Dear friends,

I've posted another song for you to enjoy, having taken into account previous comments and suggestions. I hope you enjoy it.

Have a blessed week. 

Robyn


https://soundcloud.com/robyn-herselman/holy-war

Holy War

You speak and it is
You touch and we heal
You breathe and we are
But the world doesn't see Your heart

It's a holy war,  it's a holy war
But the battle's already won
the victory's Yours

You love and we live
You give and we're free
You save and we're forever Yours
What will it take for the world to believe

It's a holy war,  it's a holy war
But the battle's already won
the victory's Yours

You are worthy of every honour x 4

It's a holy war,  it's a holy war
But the battle's already won
the victory's Yours

You speak and it is
You touch and we heal
You breathe and we are
But the world doesn't see your heart

Robyn,

Very very nice. 

Only minor change to lyrics I might suggest would be in the chorus ....

I recommend something fresher and newer in the place of "battle's already won, victory's yours"

Seems these words are used often in other songs already.

Also, perhaps start and end your chorus with "It's a holy war"......

Keep or sweep!

Neil


RE: Holy War - softproinc - 10-23-2017

(10-11-2017, 09:10 AM)novice62 Wrote:
(10-10-2017, 05:03 PM)robsie Wrote: Dear friends,

I've posted another song for you to enjoy, having taken into account previous comments and suggestions. I hope you enjoy it.

Have a blessed week. 

Robyn


https://soundcloud.com/robyn-herselman/holy-war

Holy War

You speak and it is
You touch and we heal
You breathe and we are
But the world doesn't see Your heart

It's a holy war,  it's a holy war
But the battle's already won
the victory's Yours

You love and we live
You give and we're free
You save and we're forever Yours
What will it take for the world to believe

It's a holy war,  it's a holy war
But the battle's already won
the victory's Yours

You are worthy of every honour x 4

It's a holy war,  it's a holy war
But the battle's already won
the victory's Yours

You speak and it is
You touch and we heal
You breathe and we are
But the world doesn't see your heart

Robyn,

Very very nice. 

Only minor change to lyrics I might suggest would be in the chorus ....

I recommend something fresher and newer in the place of "battle's already won, victory's yours"

Seems these words are used often in other songs already.

Also, perhaps start and end your chorus with "It's a holy war"......

Keep or sweep!

Neil
Great job. Very peaceful. Great vocal.

God Bless,

John


RE: Holy War - damp hamster - 11-17-2017

Hi Robyn,

I rather like the first 3 lines of each verse. Line 4 seems disconnected from the preceding lyrical content and the chorus also seems like it belongs with very different verse content. The music and melody seems a good fit with the verse content (lines 1-3 particularly) but again there is a disconnect with the chorus lyrical content. One small rodent's opinion, of course...


RE: Holy War - gruvEdude - 11-18-2017

robsie,

The way that this is sung, this seems like a rather calm war vs. what "sons of thunder" James and John wished, https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+9%3A54&version=NLT

What will it take for the world to believe? Good point! As well as others mentioned in your lyrics.