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Latest Threads
Let Me Behold
Forum: Lyric Critiques
Last Post: damp hamster
2 hours ago
» Replies: 1
» Views: 20
Lazarus Blues
Forum: Song Critiques
Last Post: Raugzone
Yesterday, 09:06 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 11
Carry The Cross
Forum: Song Critiques
Last Post: michaelhanson
Yesterday, 08:08 AM
» Replies: 4
» Views: 158
Don't Forget --3 please
Forum: Lyric Critiques
Last Post: angela
02-21-2018, 08:34 PM
» Replies: 2
» Views: 42
Lady Wisdom
Forum: Lyric Critiques
Last Post: angela
02-21-2018, 08:29 PM
» Replies: 6
» Views: 208
Choices
Forum: Song Critiques
Last Post: angela
02-21-2018, 12:59 PM
» Replies: 2
» Views: 110
Let Me Behold
Forum: Song Critiques
Last Post: angela
02-21-2018, 10:07 AM
» Replies: 0
» Views: 19
Back! (Am I doing this r...
Forum: Hello My Name is...
Last Post: Beagle
02-19-2018, 08:06 PM
» Replies: 1
» Views: 36
loneliest pathway
Forum: Lyric Critiques
Last Post: wordee
02-18-2018, 05:40 PM
» Replies: 2
» Views: 98
-----Abiding Love----- 33...
Forum: Lyric Critiques
Last Post: wordee
02-18-2018, 05:32 PM
» Replies: 3
» Views: 54

 
  Lazarus Blues
Posted by: Raugzone - Yesterday, 09:06 AM - Forum: Song Critiques - No Replies

Each January for about the past fifteen years, I have been part of a music and worship leaders retreat held in western Pennsylvania. On Saturday afternoon, we find out what text is being used on Sunday morning. That afternoon and over night we write a reader's theater sketch for Sunday morning. One year, we were talking about Lazarus. I took on the role of Bruce Reed (bruised reed) a local piano player and club singer who helped to inject into overall narrative. The Lazarus Blues came out of that session.

It was written probably around 2009? And I gathered musicians this past October to put their mark on this bluesy fun piece. 



The Lazarus Blues

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  Let Me Behold
Posted by: angela - 02-21-2018, 08:42 PM - Forum: Lyric Critiques - Replies (1)

I have this posted on the song forum but I thought I would also post the lyrics  for critique


Let Me Behold              
 
Verse 1
Let me behold the Lamb of God who takes away my sins
Ransomed for my sake so I can be with Him
Let me behold the Lamb of God who walked upon this earth
His ministry foretold before His virgin birth
 
CHORUS
I long to see you Beautiful Lord
I long to see you Beautiful Lord
I long to see you Beautiful Lord
I long to see you Beautiful Lord
 
Verse 2
Let me behold the Lamb who shed His pure blood just for me
Suffered all my pain so I could be set free
Let me behold the Lamb The Son pure light pure love pure God
I tremble at the thought but can’t deny my heart   
 
CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
Let my eyes look upon you I can’t wait to see
The beauty of your holiness in all your majesty
 
CHORUS
 
©2018 angela dittmar
Angel Flower Music LLC
angelflowermusic.com

Also, I have a big bunch of songs I need looked at for lyric critiques. If someone would like to work with me I would do one of yours for one of mine. I am under a deadline and it takes too long to get feedback on here, so I thought I would offer that if anyone is interested. Thank you.

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  Let Me Behold
Posted by: angela - 02-21-2018, 10:07 AM - Forum: Song Critiques - No Replies

Hi All

All feedback welcome


Thank you for all your comments
Blessings
ang Smile

https://youtu.be/10uczdZtlsI

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13695666
 
Let Me Behold       
V1/ C/ V2/ C/ B/ C
 
Verse 1
Let me behold the Lamb of God who takes away my sins
Ransomed for my sake so I can be with Him
Let me behold the Lamb of God who walked upon this earth
His ministry foretold before His virgin birth
 
CHORUS
I long to see you Beautiful Lord
I long to see you Beautiful Lord
I long to see you Beautiful Lord
I long to see you Beautiful Lord
 
Verse 2
Let me behold the Lamb who shed His pure blood just for me
Suffered all my pain so I could be set free
Let me behold the Lamb The Son pure light pure love pure God
I tremble at the thought but can’t deny my heart   
 
CHORUS
 
BRIDGE
Let my eyes look upon you I can’t wait to see
The beauty of your holiness in all your majesty
 
CHORUS
 
©2018 angela dittmar
Angel Flower Music LLC
angelflowermusic.com

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  Don't Forget --3 please
Posted by: wordee - 02-18-2018, 05:50 PM - Forum: Lyric Critiques - Replies (2)

I mentally "hear" this one start with the drums and fife that you often hear behind patriotic songs...maybe the tramp of marching feet

Vs 1
He's marching down a muddy lane
backpack soaked in driving rain
he serves his country loyally 
Helping to keep that country free
charging on a foreign field
where he leaves his last breath

Chorus:
Don't forget. Dont forget. 
Don't forget His sacrifice
Don't forget. Don't forget.
His broken body bought you life
Don't forget. Don't forget.
Don't forget the costly price
The awful death which brought your life
Don't forget the price of freedom! Don't forget
Vs 2
Slowly stroll down memory lane
Meditate on Jesus' pain
Relive that torture scene again
The blood the tears, sin's awful stain
See His blood when you gaze upon 
the cup there in your hand
Vs 3
He was beaten, broken, bruised
spat upon, cursed and abused
Denied by both disciples and friends
nails pierced His gentle healing hands
a sword placed in his side for you
to pay sin's awful price

Chorus:

Don't forget. Dont forget. 

Don't forget His sacrifice

Don't forget. Don't forget.

His broken body bought you life

Don't forget. Don't forget.

Don't forget the costly price

The awful death which brought your life
Don't forget the price of freedom!  Don't forget!



Thank you for your time and input!  
Wordee

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Smile Back! (Am I doing this right?) Hi, everyone!
Posted by: wordee - 02-18-2018, 11:32 AM - Forum: Hello My Name is... - Replies (1)

It has been a very long time since I've posted, and boy! how things have changed!  I had to get a new log in, and am trying to get accustomed to this new system. Hi, everybody!
I am a married 60 year old Grandmother (with 3 GRANDS), who started a new career after going back to college and getting a degree in Communications and Speech-Language Pathology. All that craziness took time away from being able to post on here.  I'm now an SLP in a Skilled Nursing Facility.  I also sing with a gospel group and we do some limited traveling and record some of my songs.  I appreciate this forum, it is such a benefit when I have the time to use it.  I look forward to having you all make me hone my craft, and help me to perfect my songs.  I do plan to critique, and am very frank, I hope no one minds.  (Frankly, I probably won't critique on any song posted as less than a 3.)  
I'm glad to be back, even if it is limited, for I never know how my day will play out from one day to another--
God bless you all, as you write for Him!

wordee

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  -----Abiding Love----- 33333333333333
Posted by: Merziantwist - 02-15-2018, 12:59 AM - Forum: Lyric Critiques - Replies (3)

Abiding Love MP3

Abiding Love

Words and Music by Peter Merz

I remember those boats on the Rhine
Tasting the best of Paris wine
And how strong I was back in my prime
Those sweet Halcyon Days
Convinced it was love at its best
Replete with ooohs and ahhhs
Awestruck before the Mona Lisa
Touring the Louvre Museum
Pizza outside leaning Pisa
Amazed in so many ways
Convinced it was love at its best
But oh Lord, how wrong I was because

CHORUS 
Abiding Love takes me farther
And takes me higher, so in Christ I trust
Abiding Love it never fails
Other loves they simply pale
Abiding love takes me farther
Other loves will never come close
Abiding Love takes me farther
Takes me higher, so in Christ I trust

I’ve stood beneath the London Eye
Camped before Stonehenge overnight
Raised a glass to the stars that fell from the sky
Glimpsed at a Golden Age
Convinced it was love at its best
Replete with ooohs and ahhhs
I laughed with the Laughing Cavalier
Been whisked away with Windemere
Started waves for Lady Guinevere
At the height of pomp-rave
Convinced it was love at its best
But Lord, I missed the mark because

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
There’s power in this truth
The abiding love of Christ
It fills us to overflowing
And makes life more alive
A life with God's more abundant
His love and truth sets us free
It won't stop until every last drop
Rains down on you and me

REPEAT CHORUS

©2017 Scribe And Sage Music (BMI). All Rights Reserved.

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  What a Wonderful Savior
Posted by: firesong - 02-02-2018, 05:50 PM - Forum: Song Critiques - Replies (4)

This is my first solo write of 2018...I hope my year is filled with these kind of songs...simple and adoring...
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13687850

What a Wonderful Savior
words and music Dan Simmons

What a wonderful Savior…what a wonderful Lord
My Redeemer forever…my shield and my sword
Alpha, Omega, the beginning and end
Giver of grace…author of faith
What a wonderful Friend

Jesus the Master of the wind and the waves
Jesus the answer… the One who truly saves
Jesus my healer…the lover of my soul
What a wonderful Friend…true till the end
What a wonderful Lord

What a wonderful Savior…what a wonderful Lord
My Redeemer forever…my shield and my sword
Alpha, Omega, the beginning and end
Giver of grace…author of faith
What a wonderful Friend

What a wonderful Savior…what a wonderful Lord
My Redeemer forever…my shield and my sword
Alpha, Omega, the beginning and end
Giver of grace…author of faith
What a wonderful Friend

Giver of grace…author of faith
What a wonderful Friend

He’s a wonderful Friend

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Music Regular Joe
Posted by: Raugzone - 01-31-2018, 10:56 PM - Forum: Song Critiques - Replies (4)

Regular Joe is a song I wrote a few years ago for a show that I tour in. It's a look at Joseph in the Christmas story. His part of the story is often overlooked and so here's another perspective on Joe.  I had it recorded this past October with a group of wonderful musicians. Hope you enjoy it. 


https://soundcloud.com/jeff-raught/regular-joe-1




Jeff

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  Choices
Posted by: novice62 - 01-19-2018, 02:14 PM - Forum: Song Critiques - Replies (2)

All:  Here's one for your comments on how to improve it.  Thank you, Neil

https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v3/player.cfm?type=single&songid=13681771&q=hi


Choices
copyright Neil Sleevi
sleevi@yahoo.com
 
Verse 1
 
Jesus tells us of two roads

Most folks like one real well

It's wide and easy trav’lin'

But a highway bound for hell

The other road is narrow

And it is hard to find

Few have ever found it

Yet this road leads to life

Chorus

 
People will make choices
 
Choose to follow voices
 
Which lead to life or lead to death
 
Choices many will regret

Verse 2

Jesus tells us of two trees

One scarcely had much fruit

And cut up for the fire
 
For the little it produced

The other tree is diff'rent

Its food is fit to eat

Nourishment and goodness

Are what comes from this tree
 
Chorus

 
Bridge
 
Will we think that Jesus owes us

For all we've done and said?
 
Will He say He even knows us
 
For the choice we made instead?
 
Verse 3

Jesus tells us of two houses

The first was built on sand

Destroyed by winds and water

Which were more than it could stand
 
The other house endures

When trouble comes to knock

Overcoming perils

Established on a Rock
 
Chorus

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  loneliest pathway
Posted by: robertcaradoc - 01-14-2018, 04:38 PM - Forum: Lyric Critiques - Replies (2)

Hi,

Let me know what you think please... thanks



The loneliest Pathway
 
 
1
I never thought about the anguish and pain
You had to face before your destiny came
A destiny to set the rest of us free
The strength it took to take the loneliest pathway
 
2
I never thought about Blood in Your eyes
The fatal truth behind the enemies lies
I never thought about the burden of sin,
You carried as You walked the loneliest pathway
 
Chorus  :
 
But You loved us…
Yes You loved us…
You took the path to the cross
 
3
I never thought about the way that it feels,
To have a devil biting there at your heels
To feel the pain of what you fear in your bones
Yet still you chose to walk the loneliest pathway
 
4
I never thought about the prayers that you cried
As darkness gathered in those Israelite skies
To ask his Father ‘take this cup from my lips’
And still to walk along the loneliest pathway
 
Chorus  :
 
But You loved us…
Yes You loved us…
You took the path to the cross
 
5
I never thought about you there on Your knees,
To ask your Father ‘Lord please do what You please’
To ask your Father for His strength from above
And after all to walk the loneliest pathway
 
6
I’d never thought about the path of the Lord
To follow Him – reject the power of the sword
To place my life into the hands of our God
To follow Him along the loneliest pathway
 
Chorus  :
 
But You loved us…
Yes You loved us…
You took the path to the cross
 
 
End:
God chose, to take, the path, to life
His son, the perfect, sacrifice

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DFW Christian Songwriters

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